1.02 “Alice”
A dark mini-series featuring six classic fairy tales. FBI Special Agent Freddy Charmant (Prince Charming), along with plucky reporter Dorothy Gale, uncover a malevolent hidden truth about six dangerous criminals.
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INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
**ALICE DODGSON**, 26, a dark gothic beauty, sits across from **LAPD DETECTIVE FELIX “CHET” CHESTER**, 28, undercover and self-assuredly roguish. The two sip on drinks and flirt.
SUPERIMPOSE:
CASE FILE 1865-12-466
ALICE “QUEEN OF HEARTS” DODGSON
FIRST-DEGREE MURDER (FIVE COUNTS)
CHET
So, which way do we go from here?
ALICE
That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
CHET
I don’t much care where–
ALICE
Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.
CHET
–so long as I get somewhere.
ALICE
Oh, you’re sure to do that… if you only walk long enough.
CHET
I’m willing to go where you lead.
ALICE
Well, let’s see. In that direction… the answer to all your questions, and in that direction, safety. Choose whichever you like: they both lead to madness.
CHET
What if I don’t want madness?
ALICE
You can’t help that, we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.
CHET
How do you know I’m mad?
ALICE
You must be… or you wouldn’t have come here.
Chet smiles and finishes his drink.
ALICE
So, tell me, underneath it all: who are you?
CHET
“Who am I?” Ah, that’s the great puzzle!
ALICE
It’s no use to pretend to be two people. There’ll be hardly enough of you left to make one respectable person.
CHET
Who says I’m respectable?
He stands and unexpectedly staggers.
CHET
Whoa.
ALICE
Everything alright?
CHET
Yeah, I just– need the little boy’s room. Excuse me a sec.
He makes his way through the crowd towards the restroom, the world swaying like a ship on the ocean.
Finally, he finds the restroom door and pushes his way in, startling a guy just leaving.
INT. NIGHTCLUB RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Chet grabs onto the sink to keep from falling, tries to shake his head to clear it, and looks up at his reflection in the mirror.
Somewhere behind him, he hears WHISPERS.
He turns, but no one’s there.
CHET
Hello?
He looks back at the mirror and sees an image of him smiling. His face contorts slightly and creepily exaggerates his grin.
Whoa! What was that? Rubbing his eyes, his reflection is normal again.
He makes his way into a stall and kneels down in front of the **TOILET**. Sticking his fingers down his throat, he vomits.
The WHISPERS get louder and start LAUGHING.
CHET
(to the voices)
Shut up already!
TOILET
You shut up! And stop hugging me so tightly. Got an image to maintain.
Chet freaks out and falls backward against the stall door.
What the hell is going on? Chet closes his eyes and checks his pulse. Something is very wrong.
Toilet starts LAUGHING at him, when the **TP ROLL** chimes in.
TP ROLL
Hey kid, you okay? You don’t look so good. Need some paper. Here! I’ll give you some for free.
The tp roll starts unrolling and piling on the floor.
He rushes out of the stall and trips, falling on the floor.
Suddenly, the stall doors look HUGE, reaching forever up to the ceiling and the distance to the restroom door EXTENDS far away from him.
The LAUGHING continues behind him.
He staggers up and goes to the **SINK** to wash his hands and face.
SINK
Hey, watch it! Don’t mess up my beautiful chrome finish.
The **HAND DRYER** on the wall next to him chimes in.
HAND DRYER
Oh, leave him alone! Hey, it’s ok. Just ignore them. Come here, I’ll warm ya right up.
The hand dryer starts blowing air and Chet freaks out. He finds his way out of the restroom and into a table with **SEVERAL DRINKS** on it.
DRINKS
Drink me. No drink me! I’m the one you want to drink. Drink me…
He pushes the glasses off the table.
DRINKS
Noooo.. Aw, that was rude. So rude.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – CONTINUOUS
Chet pushes his way through the crowd and out the front door, passing right by **DETECTIVE ALBUS O’HARE**, 34, his nervous and timid partner.
ALBIE
Chet?
Albie starts to get up when Alice gently pushes him back down from behind. She leans over and talks into his ear.
ALICE
You may want to tell your friend to be more careful when he meets strangers. Wouldn’t want him to lose his head now, would you?
Albie starts to speak, but Alice shushes him.
ALICE
You don’t have time for any of that. I’ve poisoned your partner.
Albie stands and turns, hand on his weapon. She stands calmly and smiles.
ALICE
A fork in the road: arrest me now or save your friend. Which will it be? The clock’s ticking. You wouldn’t want to be late, would you? Bad things happen when you’re late for something important.
He starts to draw his weapon, when he hears a COMMOTION at the front of the club. Albie looks over and when he looks back, Alice is gone.
Quickly, he rushes out the front door after Chet.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB – CONTINUOUS
Chet is standing in the middle of the road, shouting.
CHET
No, no, NO! Shut up!
Albie races over to grab Chet, but Chet fights him off.
As he breaks away from Albie, instantly Chet is caught in the headlights of an oncoming car just as it BLARES its horn.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB ROOFTOP – CONTINUOUS
Alice smirks as she watches Albie at the last second pull Chet out of the way of the oncoming car.
Chet continues to SCREAM and tear at Albie as SIRENS are heard in the distance.
She takes one more amused look, turns, and walks away.
INT. ALICE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Alice enters her well-kept apartment. Walls lined with images of microscopic views of fungi. A vase full of red roses sits on her meticulously set dining table.
Just off of the kitchen stands a hydroponic grow lab with various fungi growing in each container. She checks the fungi and caresses them lovingly.
An organic chemistry distillation apparatus sits at the ready, while different colored bottles stand neatly in a row, each labeled precisely with names and concentration levels.
Alice grabs a cookie and snacks on it as she leans against the counter, thinking.
She smiles. A delicious idea.
Grabbing a notecard and small envelope from a drawer, she scribbles a message. Selecting one of the colored bottles, she spritzes the card and seals the envelope.
On the envelope she scribes “DEAREST DET. CHESTER.”
Walking over to the roses, she selects one and ties the small envelope to it.
INT. LAPD BULL PEN – NEXT DAY
Albie sits at his desk typing up reports when Chet walks in.
He sits down and nonchalantly starts typing on his computer.
ALBIE
Chet. What’re you doing here?
CHET
Hm? Working. What’s it look like? We’ve got a killer to catch.
ALBIE
A killer who almost succeeded in killing you last night.
CHET
“Almost” only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades.
(off his reaction)
Look, aside from the pink elephant over there, I feel fine. Any leads?
**FBI SPECIAL AGENT FREDDY CHARMANT** approaches Chet’s desk.
CHARMANT
Pink elephant aside, I think I can help with that.
CHET
(looking up)
And you would be?
CHARMANT
FBI Special Agent Charmant. You two are working the Queen of Hearts case, correct?
CHET
Queen of– what now?
ALBIE
Uh, yes sir. Detective O’Hare. Nice to meet you in person.
Albie stands and shakes Charmant’s hand.
CHET
Oh, you two know each other?
CHARMANT
I reached out to Detective O’Hare this morning. He was very helpful.
CHET
And what’s your interest in our case? As far as I know, the murder of a car salesman or a journalist aren’t FBI jurisdiction.
CHARMANT
Is there somewhere we can talk?
INT. LAPD CONFERENCE ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Charmant passes case files to Albie and Chet and pulls out some additional reports and stack of papers.
CHARMANT
The “Queen of Hearts.” So named because of the method in which she targets her victims. Five victims, each approached through an online dating app.
CHET
Five?
CHARMANT
Yes. Two lawyers, a car salesman, a journalist, and a federal judge.
INT. ALICE’S APARTMENT – DAY
Alice makes coffee and grabs a slip of paper off the refrigerator. It could’ve been a shopping list, but it’s not.
It’s a list of six names, all of which are crossed out, except the last one. On the last line, is one word: “Raven”
INT. LAPD CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Chet flips the pages of the case file.
CHET
And you’re saying our girl from last night is a suspect in all of these?
CHARMANT
Correct.
CHET
Why?
CHARMANT
They all died from the same poison. The same poison used on you last night, if I’m not mistaken.
Chet looks over to Albie.
ALBIE
Got the toxicology report this morning. She dosed you with something called “Fly Agaric.”
CHET
What?
CHARMANT
It’s a poisonous fungus infamous for its psychoactive and hallucinogenic properties.
CHET
Wait. You’re telling me, I was tripping on mushrooms? That was way more intense than any drug trip–
(off Albie’s reaction)
Or so I’m told.
CHARMANT
It was a highly concentrated dosage of the mushroom’s main psychoactive constituents, the neurotoxins ibotenic acid and muscimol. She would have had to distill it herself in a laboratory type setting to get it to these concentration levels.
ALBIE
They also found stomach acid, Chet. Did you–?
CHET
I puked.
ALBIE
What?
CHET
In the bathroom, at the club. I threw up. I wasn’t feeling right, so I figured she dosed me with something and I forced myself to throw up.
CHARMANT
Probably saved your life.
CHET
That’s when the toilet started yelling at me.
ALBIE
What?
CHET
It was a whole thing.
CHARMANT
Fly agarics are known for the unpredictability of their effects. In large or concentrated dosages, those effects can be lethal. Glad you’re still with us, Detective.
CHET
Go me.
ALBIE
It looks like all of these cases were ruled suicides. This guy– jumped off his ten-story balcony?!
CHET
And this one shot himself.
CHARMANT
Different official causes of death, but the M.E. was still able to confirm trace amounts of the fly agaric in all the victims.
ALBIE
So, let’s get a warrant and check her place. If she has this mushroom, we got her, right?
CHARMANT
Not quite. Mushrooms containing psilocybin or psilocin are classified as Class A drugs, but fly agarics don’t contain these chemicals, so they aren’t considered Class As. It’s not illegal to own or grown them.
CHET
So what you’re saying is that our girl just gives these guys a bad trip and they end up killing themselves?
INT. ALICE’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Alice sips on her coffee, admiring her list.
She’s added a new name: “Det. Chester”
INT. LAPD CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Chet leans back in his chair.
CHARMANT
How’d you connect the salesman and the journalist?
CHET
They both used the same online dating app and messaged with the same profile. We set up the sting last night hoping to get something actionable on tape, but she didn’t say anything usable.
ALBIE
Well, she did actually.
CHET
Seriously?
ALBIE
After you ran out, she told me she poisoned you.
CHET
What? Why didn’t you arrest her?
ALBIE
Chet, you were poisoned! I had to go save you!
CHET
Oh right. Thanks for that, by the way. Never knew you cared so much.
ALBIE
Don’t flatter yourself. I was just thinking about the paperwork.
CHET
Well, we can at least arrest her on poisoning an LAPD officer, yours truly. But why these five people? What connects them?
CHARMANT
We think it all connects to her father’s case.
ALBIE
Her father?
CHARMANT
Theophilus Dodgson. Charged with first-degree attempted murder and sentenced to life in prison at Atascadero State Hospital. So far, the judge on the case, the D.A., Dodgson’s defense attorney, the jury foreman, and a journalist covering the case have all died over the past six months.
ALBIE
Why the journalist?
CHARMANT
He called her father the “Mad Hatter” in his articles. Apparently, she didn’t appreciate the nickname.
CHET
So who’s left?
ALBIE
What?
CHET
Who’s left on her hit list?
Suddenly, there’s a KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK on the door. An **OFFICER** walks in.
OFFICER
Excuse me. Sorry, sir. This just arrived for you. Said to deliver it to you immediately.
CHET
What?
OFFICER
Looks like you have an admirer.
The officer hands Chet Alice’s rose with the notecard attached.
The men all look confused as Chet accepts the rose and the officer leaves.
Chet sees the envelope and opens it. Pulling out the notecard, it reads: “WHY IS A RAVEN LIKE A WRITING DESK?” On the back, it’s signed “ALICE” with six little hearts.
CHET
What the hell?
CHARMANT
What is it?
He hands Charmant the card.
CHARMANT
“Why is a raven like a writing desk?”
CHET
I hate riddles.
ALBIE
What does that even mean?
CHET
Who knows!
CHARMANT
She’s playing with you.
CHET
Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut.
CHARMANT
What?
Chet pulls out his phone and speed dials someone.
CHET
Arrest warrant.
INT. STATE HOSPITAL – DAY
Alice signs in to the visitor log at the reception desk and receives a “visitor” ID badge.
She’s escorted to the visitor area where her father, **THEOPHILUS DODGSON**, late-50’s with greying hair, sits waiting for her.
She smiles and hugs him as she sets down a small brown bag on the table.
ALICE
Dad.
THEOPHILUS
My beautiful baby. Tea?
ALICE
Yes, thank you. I brought you a cake.
She pulls a boxed cupcake out of the brown bag and his eyes light up.
THEOPHILUS
You remembered! But it isn’t even my birthday.
ALICE
How are you? Are they treating you okay?
THEOPHILUS
Oh yes, very okay. Here. Take some more tea.
ALICE
I haven’t had any yet, so I can’t take more.
THEOPHILUS
You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take more than nothing.
ALICE
You’re right, dad, as always.
Theophilus happily drinks his tea and takes a bite of the cupcake.
ALICE
Dad, I wanted to ask you again. Can you tell me, just please tell me the answer? “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”
THEOPHILUS
Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?
ALICE
Exactly so.
THEOPHILUS
Then you should say what you mean.
ALICE
I do.
THEOPHILUS
Why, you might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as “I eat what I see!”
ALICE
I think you might do something better with time, than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers.
THEOPHILUS
If you knew Time as well as I do… you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s her. She always knew the answer.
ALICE
Who?
THEOPHILUS
Well, Time, my dear. Of course!
She slams her hand on the table, startling people nearby.
ALICE
Sorry, sorry. Dad, enough of your games. Just tell me.
THEOPHILUS
But Alice, my dear, you already know Time. You’ve known her in all the collection of her individual seconds and minutes.
Alice stares at him, but then something clicks in her head. She looks up at him again as he sips his tea.
INT. LAPD CONFERENCE ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Chet plays with the card, flipping it over and over as Charmant and Albie look case files and stacks of reports.
He feels something weird about the card. Looking at his fingers, he rubs them together and then smells them.
ALBIE
What are you doing?
CHET
Smell this.
ALBIE
No thanks.
CHET
No, I’m serious. I think there’s something on the cardstock. It feels oily and smells–
(sniffs the card again)
Earthy.
Charmant immediately grabs the card out of Chet’s hand and puts it on the table.
CHET
Hey!
CHARMANT
We need to wash our hands right now, before any oil seeps in.
CHET
What?
CHARMANT
She may have dipped the card in a concentrated poison. Unless you want another “intense trip” again.
INT. LAPD RESTROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Charmant finishes washing his hands as Chet stands thinking.
CHET
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
CHARMANT
Does that mean something to you?
CHET
No. But, it has to mean something to her, right?
CHARMANT
Wash your hands. We don’t know how toxic that oil was.
Chet absent-mindedly begins to wash his hands.
CHET
It’s gotta mean something, right? It’s not just nonsense.
Just then, Albie bursts into the restroom with his nose buried in a thick stack of pages.
ALBIE
Guys! I think I–
He trips and the pages go spilling everywhere. Albie looks at the scattered pages and starts to freak out.
CHET
Whoa, Albie. It’s okay.
ALBIE
No, no, no, no, no! I just had it!
CHARMANT
Had what?
ALBIE
The riddle? The thing. The “why is a raven like a writing desk?” I know what it’s from!
CHET
You figured it out?!
ALBIE
Well, sort of. I had it right–
(he scrambles around and finds the right page)
Here! Aha! Look!
CHET
What is all this?
ALBIE
It’s the transcript of Dodgson’s trial. Look! Every time the prosecutor asks Dodgson why he tried to kill his wife, he answered–
CHARMANT
“Why is a raven like a writing desk?”
ALBIE
Yeah.
CHET
Great. That still doesn’t tell us what it means.
CHARMANT
I think you’re wrong.
EXT. CONDO HALLWAY – NIGHT
Alice silently walks down the hallway. A bug gets ZAPPED in a light nearby.
She stops in front of particular door and faces it.
CHET (O.S.)
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice looks down and then over to her side where Chet steps forward from his hiding spot.
ALICE
You think you’ve figured it out?
CHET
Haven’t I?
ALICE
Do tell.
CHET
Tell me about your mother, first.
ALICE
I wouldn’t know where to begin.
CHET
(smirking)
Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
ALICE
Curiouser and curiouser. I’ve often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!
CHET
(nodding towards the door)
Went back to her maiden name. So tell me: how do you like the Queen?
ALICE
She is… unkind.
INT. LAPD RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS FROM PREVIOUS
Charmant finishes looking up something on his phone.
CHARMANT
Yes!
ALBIE
What is it?
CHARMANT
Ravens. Do either of you know what a group of ravens is called?
CHET
Isn’t it a murder?
ALBIE
No, that’s crows.
CHARMANT
An “unkindness.”
EXT. CONDO HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Chet steps closer to Alice.
CHET
She was filing for divorce.
ALICE
It’s not his fault, you know. He’s not a well man. She broke him down. She belittled him and no one helped him. At every turn, her “unkind words” found their way into the crevices of his mind and picked him apart until there was nothing left but hurt and anger. And when he saw her signing the divorce papers at her desk… “Unkind” is too kind of a word for what she did to him.
CHET
And what about the people you killed?
ALICE
Why, Detective, I haven’t killed anyone.
CHET
That’s right. They all just happily marched to their own deaths.
ALICE
If you drink much from a bottle marked “poison” it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
CHET
But see, here’s the thing about those deaths. Unlike yours truly, they were all supposedly alone when they were killed- Oh, I’m sorry, when they “committed suicide.”
ALICE
And your point?
CHET
Every adventure requires a first step and sometimes all you need, is someone there to tell you which way to go.
ALICE
And I recall, I told you that it depends a good deal on where you want to get to. Answers or safety. Those that betrayed, turned a blind eye, belittled, and tormented my father chose their deaths, just as you chose your freedom.
CHET
So did they choose before or after being poisoned? The proper order of things is often a mystery to me.
ALICE
Well, it would be so nice if something made sense for a change. Tell me, Detective. Last night, what did you see?
CHET
What?
ALICE
Who are you truly?
CHET
Sorry to disappoint, Alice, but I’m not mad after all. My reality is just different than yours. Alice Dodgson, you’re under arrest for the murders of–
ALICE
How did you figure it out?
CHET
What?
ALICE
My father’s riddle.
CHET
That’s easy. Imagination is the only weapon in the war with reality.
Chet finishes cuffing her and leads her off.
INT. DIVE BAR – EVENING
Charmant closes the case file and looks up at **DOROTHY GALE** who is quickly typing away at her laptop.
She stops and looks up.
DOROTHY
So what was the answer?
CHARMANT
To what?
DOROTHY
The riddle. The raven and the writing desk. Alice’s father gave it as his answer every time he was asked why he tried to kill his wife.
CHARMANT
“Why is a raven like a writing desk?” Because they can both be unkind.
DOROTHY
That’s it? It’s that simple?
CHARMANT
Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.
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